lettin out

2005-10-14T08:38:00.000-07:00

every year for this time, i shd be hmm happy?relax?yup cuz aft or rather left a paper more to go for eoy.but this yr is reaaly diff .totally!!!

i regret for being complacent.i kept thinking i'm mentally more abled tough im like in some "longkang" school.n i admit smt i do look down on ppl.sigh.but everythings shown up.my true colour isn't wad i always thought.

hmmm when i was on e way bac frm british council just now in e mrt, i saw a young lady.really pretty.almost flawless. nothing bad. no pimple, smooth complextion....n it'll be never end. but she was stugglin.or look rather uncomfortable with her hill, n steal a couple of time slackin her leg by restin em sideways.

besides her, there was a aunty with bag, look rather hagard but friendly;)with plastic bags. n flatten old fashion slippers.i think she enjoy it anyway.nothing seems to troubled her.at least not e shoes for sure.

i stared for quite a while n think im like e young pretty lady, who always pretend.cleaver?look?yup.n there are not much i really proud of myself.i feel depressed.
think bac, all these while i dont find myself comfortable for doing anythings actually.there's like a mask shieldin me.arghh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!OBVIOUSLY MY INTELLIGENCE AS WELL!!!

i was sad?n yea, n i listen to better man,by rw.hoping i could be.

2005-09-23T08:52:00.000-07:00

hmppp!!just bac frm British council.well 2day lesson was quite slacky.
oh yah.i recieved my 1st bday present!!was really touched.seriously didnt expect anything frm anyone aft so much things happened.yea.hmm how shd i say?hmm was sad?remorseful?n happy?wadever.mixed..hahah.
ok. it's a HUGO ENERGISE FRAGRANCE!!!frm my 2 beloved china fren!!!!!!!LIXAN n CHEN CHEN!!!!!!!!!!love em to bits!!!!!!hahhaha...

hmm wondering how am i goin 2 spend my bday.
study at home?maybe.yea.sigh.
well,it's just a bday anyway.

n im glad 2day was normal unlike last week.

hmmm these few days have been a bit stress??/or im a stress.haha.basically just mug abit n slack abit n sleep alot.haha.not feeling really good..as in mentally.kinda depresseeddd.haha..

it's late gtg 2 bath!bye

tag replies:
eryn:hmmm hi hyper gal!haah

2005-09-19T06:20:00.000-07:00

ohwell.im here!!!hmm basically i did nothing 2day!!
slack n scared!!HAH..
sigh...my brain is just not workin.zzz???urgh!!!god pls help me...
i haven done any muggin actually la.hmpppp!!
wad's wrg withh meee...arrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!my intentions seems to be useless la.nothing is done in e end no matter how well i've planned.im frustrated!!goin crazy!terrified of not muggin now..
one word!HORRIBLE!
some1 give me some special remedy 2 urge me study n get rid of my sianneeess when study!!!!!

tag replies:
grace:well physically but mentally goin crazyy!!!hah
eryn:hmmm u r abit crazy like me
shen:love expert!you grow shorter n give me few cmssss
serene:haha amusing day!hope next week will be fine

IM CRAZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

2005-09-16T08:16:00.000-07:00

when someone tell u he's in a downside luck will u feel sorry 4 him??

well today was just total complete wierd.unexpected.sadening.depressing.stressin.
(THE BAD THINGS CONTINUE......)

had physic test today hmm wasnt really diff but it's a bit strange!
we are ordered to sit accordin to register no... not as usual.

went home play abit of compt,sleep and woke up 4 british council.
oh n i used brand new of hair gel or mud wadever u call it.n it's different feelin.different smeel on my head.

had lesson in british council, surprised by e teacher!hmm wearing black attire and yea is a guy.not as usual, a pregnant woman boring and dry but hmm i miss e boreness neway..prefer her.yup.
not like usual, we went to eat along e corridor of 7 11 frm the food there.strange!we always prefer fast food but today, was different again.

ehile walkin towards mrt, all of us(ser,Chen2,es,zq n i)feel something is reaaly amiss,eeriieee n yea nothing is just right.

n i'm being lazy and mean, did not want to retrive my wallet,n hp frm zq bag so chen2 smuggled me into e mrt station.n yea i guess it's some kind of punishment frm God.zq couldnt find my wallet in his bag...
every1 was shocked n im a bit upset.oh well i didn blame any1 though.im in e wrg as well..haha..

to end e strange day, we did smt not on purpose n end e day strangely 2.we found that e jurong east side is packed with passengers so yea took e reverse way..hahah.

every1 were strange as well.not only me
serene:wear heels out of the blue.
chen2;didnt carry her peggy blue bag n 1st time carry hadbag
engsiong:never noe 2 be late but unreasonably late 2day
zhiquen;carry a 2nd hand ipod

STRANGE STRANGE!!!! SHOOOOSSS!!!!!!NO MORE PLLSSS

THOUGHTSS

2005-09-15T00:13:00.000-07:00

2005-09-14T01:51:00.000-07:00

oh i feel so sick these few days!had sleepless nights.n yea feel real down.exams maybe?sighh
oh well,hmm was longin 2 fall in love again but yea it feel sucky when u really r.hmm super complicated feelings!n sufferinsss!!!hahaha.ohwell..
n im super keen to do sketching these few days.hmmm yup.

oh yah.. i just had a bit of my hair trimmed!hmm look quite funny.hah.
sch was quite short 4 me 2day.wheeee!took half day off.yup.not feelin really well.wish me get better!!
oh just want to share with u guys a song by mcfly!super nice.

The Ballad of Paul K
He's drinking Coca Rola
Feels like is getting older
Now and noticing how he's finding
Grey hairs left in the shower
Tattoos fade by the hour
And he can't understand these feelings
Why life is getting him down
He used to smile now he frowns
And cries inside
It's been this way for a while
And he can't seem to put things right
When life has been unkind
And you're losing your mind
Look in the mirror afraid of watch you'll find
It feels like time's not on your side
He doesn't like to mention
Applying for his pension
So children don't know he's heading
Into a mid-life crisis
He cant afford the prices for
The new kitchen floor he's buying
He's been a drunk of his life
Two kids, a dog and a wife
He doesn't know
And in the daytime he just sits and watches television shows
When life has been unkind
And you're losing your mind
Look in the mirror afraid of watch you'll find
It feels like time's not on your side
Don't know why but somehow
The ones you love you hate now,you feel down and blue
Look at what you've thrown away
They stood beside you all the way
Now it's too late, its too late for you
When life has been unkind
And you're losing your mind
Look in the mirror afraid of watch you'll find
It feels like time's not on your side

(if u want e song i can sent it to u!!! MCFLY ROCK!!)

2005-09-12T04:34:00.000-07:00

hmm.well 2day was not dat tirin as i thought.but i kinda feelin abit stress out of sudden.
was quite alright overall actually.a bit bored tough.
miss stayin up late,conferencin with shen n grace.yea.
n keep hopin my dream will come true aft final exams!!(shen noe it)
oh yah. i want to have another column besides my blog 4 sketches!!!
every1 seems to be soo busy n cant help me;(wellwell i shall waittt....

oh was hearin frm lina she's leaving.kinda sad actually.although we always fight but yea just feelin abit upset when i heard dat.ppl always leave!agree??hahah
k den gtg 4 dinner!!!yummmmm

MY BLOG!

2005-09-09T21:17:00.000-07:00

hmm isn't it kool??!!oh come on! i noe it's.
well i sketched e picts.eryn design e layout
gracee n enshen complete e tagboard thingyn e shoe n e songs!
THXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hmm so it's like 12.24 now n i'm still v sleppy!yea just wokeup.
gotta arrange my room,yf later.
n holiday is endin soon!i got so freak out each morning i woke up.
it's like one day of fun is gone.URGH.
well basically i just slaked n study a tiny bbiiitttt n spent most of e time with shen!
fun fun fun!haha.(pink boy 4 eryn).

i seriously dont feel like attendin sch so soon.i'm not even ready.sigh.

Oh yah! n these few days i start pickin up e habit of sketchin my feelin eh.
i think they r nice.hah.hopefully i can publish them in this blog if any1
willing to help this IT illiterate!
SHIT!my stomach is real empty!HCL corrodin e walls!GTG for my "breakfast"

2005-09-07T01:42:00.000-07:00

hey pep! i got new skin!Thx to enshen actually.

i got bored of doing FUNCTION(a.math)!!n decided to slack a bit now.
i did nothing much so far in this holi.
1.done with ONE TREE HILL (season 1&2)(GREAT GREAT GREAT!!WATCH IT OR U'LL REGRET)
2.doin my a.maths TYS(half-way through functions)
3.HOPE 2 complete 4 chapt of physic.(SO IMPOSSIBLE)
4.HOPE 2 complete 4 chapt of chem.(OH DROP IT!)

yea n feeling kinda emo.final is approachin.!scared,worried,terrified!peee!!!!!!
n i'm sad.i realised e whole friend things ard me are just seekin for benefit.
it just like makin use of each other for their own good .sigh.
i confess i'm doin dat 2.but yea, i just dont feel right.
tryin to sort out them with true friends.or friend or none of em.awww

my mama is wonderful

2005-08-15T07:11:00.000-07:00

You taught me everythingAnd everything you've given meI always keep it insideYou're the driving force in my life, yeahThere isn't anythingOr anyone that I can beAnd it just wouldn't feel rightIf I didn't have you by my sideYou were there for me to love and care for meWhen skies were greyWhenever I was downYou were always there to comfort meAnd no one else can be what you have been to meYou will always be you always will be the girlIn my life for all times Mama, mama you know I love youOh you know I love youMama, mama you're the queen of my heartYour love is likeTears from the starsMama, I just want you to knowLovin' you is like food to my soulYes it is You're always down for meHave always been around for me even when I was badYou showed me right from my wrong Yes you didAnd you took up for me When everyone was downin' me You always did understand You gave me strength to go on There was so many times Looking back when I was so afraid And then you come to meAnd say to me I can face anything And no one else can doWhat you have done for me You'll always be You will always be the girl in my life Never gonna go a day without you Fills me up just thinking of youI'll never go a day without my mama Yes you are my mama...

i'm so sorry

2005-08-14T01:15:00.000-07:00

it've been long since i blogged.
hmm i've some v deep feelin 2 let out.so yea bear with em..

k.so ]commitment??it've been caused me into deep trouble man..
well.i'm sorta guy who does not keep promise n yea end up unexpectedly horrible.
i dunno y?im just soo disorganised in everything n my life is kinda messy now.
having a great headache to think abt clearin them.i've been hurtin soo many ppl with this.
everyone is doubting my ability now.it's not dat i dont have one.but it's seems to be reall doubious aft all those craps i've done.well it's HARD to be commited but i'm still tryin HARD to bring it on.

everytime when i think abt e past when i used to be real happy n nothing seems to troubled me.my FRIENDS, FAMILY, basically everyone were just besides me.but now, only now...i realised dat i've taken em for granted. well dat's y i feel so freakin cold now.i cant feel anymore warmth shilding me like wad it used to be.they are ALL gone.Perish.no longer with me.so i was tryin 2 get em bac.but well i'm kinda shy,insincere.and now they r further away.WAD THE HELL UP WITH IS UP TO ME !!!again sorry...

when i realised everything are soooo bloddy wrg it's farrr beyond too late.n ugrh!i just feel fuckin suck now!

I WANT EM BACK BADLY!!!i just miss all of ur companions.

GELL ME UP WITH GUYS AGAIN!!

2005-07-28T03:04:00.000-07:00

i've a story!

a guy name K is a foreigner worker.hmm at 1st he's very well-liked by everyone
and he thought dat will be always...

day after day,his companiments seems to be depleting,but he doesn't really aware abt it..
ppl hate him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but his high self-esteem overcomes them,and picked up some new friends along his journey...
however, all these "buddy" that he considered his always leave him half way through...

he didn't know what's wrong with himself..
ppl kept telling him he's proud,arrogant,ect...
well..he attempttin to change a lot of times....though he keep on failin

being an impatient guy, he gets pisseedd as most or rather all ppl did not aware abt it...
worst still, ppl who he consider "buddy" not only left him but gossipin abt him
n eventually become his enemy...

apparently he seems to be quite fine...
but actually he's not...
eachday is just a barrier to him...

tryin very hard to get by..

he keeps thinkin wad will happen if he leave this world
sadness everywhere?
joy?
OR no one will bother to feel anything for him.

this is suck!

2005-07-27T06:13:00.000-07:00

how to prove how big ur ego is??

well..today i sat 4 e british council test....

it was reall darn easy.

i completed like less den 15 mins..

smile to boost my confident..

went 4 interview..

section 1 full mark...

section 2 almost full marks

section 3 real horrid....

this prove how proud i am!

i m pisssed by myself ego ugly fat ass!!!

this is suck!

2005-07-27T06:12:00.000-07:00

2005-07-26T03:14:00.000-07:00

real troubled by my sucky detestable hair-style now..
humphhhh!!!!

well got a hump of disgustin scoldin frm e teacher 2day n kind of feelling abit indignity now.
but anyway e lesson taught me to run away when there is any meetin on "lesson"
whahah..

SO THIS IS ME

2005-07-25T04:52:00.000-07:00

i feel so hollow.so i opened up my heart.hopin if i could check out wad is happening!

before i cross-section it, i was worried but tellin myself it'll be alright..

now when i know abt it, i am shocked!

so whr are all e joys?

GONE!!

so wad abt the smiles on my face?

oh fine! i suck!

2005-03-07T06:13:00.000-08:00

wad else can i do?
i noe i wasnt good enough
i'm too lost
missing u
nothing else but recallin
so that memories will comfort me
deep inside i...
i noe i'll never have u

RECALLING MEMORIES

2004-12-10T06:48:00.000-08:00

Phew!it`s december now. The end of the year..am i suppose to be happy recieving the new year?yea hope so. But, how about the things n people around me this year?hmmm..yea.i shall recall them one by one ....

well,this year facing alot of up and down moments n experienced alot of stuff!like..how 2 survive with 2 bucks a week, watch N @ M 16 N 18 show, clubbing, drinking, sing infront of thousands crowd in sentosa, go to church n YOUTH services n get 2 noe wonderful ppl there.. N MUCH More!!

Yea...get to now LOTSS of great ppls!!! minzhi,breda,wenhui,chuen koh,carl,kawai,luke chiang,bernice,eryn,chloe,dawn,liang hui,liang pei,wei ling....they simply RAWKS!! every laughter appeared on my face, ALL THANKS 2 THEM! u guys r wonderful chaps!

4 my family.....
Recently, i`ve been very close n good with my elder bro!yea..n hmm..had 2 little bros.well they r HANDSOME! harby(3rd bro) = pro in his studies n caring 2 every1, tommy(youngest bro) join ONG family 4 one year n few months? yea.. very obidient, seldom cry, shy!,cheerful,sweet!!
DAD --- older physically...younger mentally!...hmm..yea.contact with him more this year..hmm..health??hmm not really gd..hope he`ll stop smokin n drink less,,yea!
MOM----become more naggy!!DUH!anw..she`s wonderful!joke alot this yr!yea..n become more vain!! woot!still the same..blur blur all the time!whaha..
LOVE THEM!!!

hmm yea...not only dat..i`ve been angered alot of ppl this yr..yea..but..honestly i mean no harm at all 2 u guys!n really sorry!!yea..hope u guys can come back again yea;)!

this yr have been tough though!..faced lots of difficulties in my relationships, studies, family problems n more ....litres of tears shed at that critical moments...but thanks GOd that he has been helpin me through out to overcome them!

i still remember,there was a time when all my frens left me , n i was totally alone! ..but HE, the loving one, sent me little angels to console me, to help me,to advice me,to solve the situaion 4 me...i`m really thankful... I`m still here because of HIM!!

....talking about all these, my eyes became watery...i somehow having a moment of mixed joy and anguish.. life is unpredictable!!!

2004-11-13T12:58:00.000-08:00

days filled with sadness....
tears welling up in my eyes..
tryin to hold...
but i couldn`t...
i couldn`t help fall in love with u..
someone that i`m not suppose to..
i`m such a fool..
sat down,waiting 4 u..
but,baby,there`s nothin else i could do now

i`m hopelessly devoted to u

2004-11-05T12:25:00.000-08:00

thx breda 4 helpin mi 2 create this kool blog!
u`ve lighten up my life